19 Years Ago Today…

I usually cannot remember what I did yesterday…honestly…with 5 kids there is always so much going on, I cannot remember what I ate yesterday, wore yesterday, or sometimes, even did yesterday.  But, I can remember what I was doing 19 years ago.  I was awoken at 5 am by my mom, saying that my dad was in the hospital, and had just had a heart attack while at work.  He was working the graveyard shift.  I remember when he left for work, he told me to have  a good night, and I said (like I always did), “ok, dad, don’t work too hard”.  And that was it.  That was the last time I talked to him.  I arrived at the hospital expecting him to be hooked up to a monitor or something…I wish so much, that it would’ve been that way.  You see, I am (always have been, always will be) a Daddy’s Girl.  My dad was my world.  He was the kindest, gentlest, most caring person I have ever met.  He would help anyone, at any time.  Everyone who met him, loved him.  He was amazing.  So, 19 years ago today, my world came crashing down.  It took me several years to even come to grips with losing him.  But, because his death took me to my absolute bottom of my pit, I met my Savior.  The Lord took my guilt and sorrow, and gave me hope and peace.  I still struggle, and miss my dad like crazy, and there is still pain and occasionally, guilt…but, I can look at his picture (on most days) and not cry, and I can remember him, with joy.  Of course, today, not so much…there are tears and there is sadness, but there is also  hope that I will see him again.  Hope that my boys will grow up to be like him, and hope that my girls will find someone like him to marry.  I was always sad that he never got to meet them, I know he would’ve loved them, and they’d be crazy about him, just like me.  But, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I know that Jesus has better plans for me, than even I have for myself.  So, while I may not be able to understand why he was taken from me, I have peace in knowing that it’s part of His plan, and He knows best.  And, I have so many wonderful memories of my dad…and lots of pictures.  So, this week, I am working on a craft that will have pictures of my dad.  It will be at home in my craft room, where I can enjoy it during the quiet times of my day.  So, if you still have your dad in your life, give him a hug, tell him you love him, and be patient when he smacks the newspaper while you’re reading, then chuckles as he walks away…knowing it drives you crazy! Thanks for listening to my story… as much as it still hurts to talk about, it does help…it’s easy to tell people not to take loved ones for granted, but please, I’m urging you…enjoy every moment you have. 

I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!!!

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